Have you ever had so many floating ideas about what you want to do with your life, yet have absolutely no motivation to start pursuing any of it?- maybe motivation isn’t the word…it is literally mental block and stress that takes over you once you start reading a simple ‘steps’ list. bloody hell.
I feel like I’m in my teens again. The only thing I’m 200% sure and happy about is my love life, which is a-ma-zing…but a girl’s got to eat and pursue her dreams of travelling and world domination. Being 25 is so weird. You feel like you’re standing (or crawling) in the middle of a long ass suspension bridge. One side is teenage passions, dreams, attitudes and ideals, and the other side is supposed to be the side you’re walking towards…and that side is scary as hell- it is, savings, smart investments, practical career choices, potentially start building your own family. All of a sudden, you start feeling the magnitude of LIFE. You no longer feel that inclined towards saving the world, because saving yourself is enough work…might be selfish, might be the smartest realisation you will achieve and it will save you a LOT of heartache. Tell you a secret? You can save the world by saving yourself.
Things that were scary seem irrelevant now…just like they might be even scarier now. What is life even? No one knows. I am now so aware of my past naivete as well as the wonderful things that screwed up…like wanting to change people, when they were alright the way they were, it’s just that some puzzle pieces just don’t fit. I am sorry I tried to force things, but I don’t feel guilty- I literally did not know any better. I am now happy I know better than to force anything in my life. Hell, this might be the longest and most abstract rant I’ve ever posted on this blog, but the realest and most loyal to who I am today, 20th of march 2017, at age 25 years, 2 months and 19 days.