|Sometimes, the only thing you know for certain is what you don’t want. Yet often, Maria, that’s enough to go on. – The Universe|
I received this in my mailbox this morning and I thought, funny, this is exactly what I keep saying: All I know is what I don’t want. My parents don’t seem to think it’s cute, but they’re parents and most times they think their way of viewing things and that the path that they’ve taken for their lives is indeed the only right one. In many ways, I want to take a different path from the one my parents took, and in other ways I want to follow theirs- and that’s what makes me an interesting, determined individual, yet they keep thinking I’ve wandered off too far from what they deem as acceptable. The most frustrating part is, I no longer care that much, I want to do the things that make me happy, in my own time. I’ve spent way too much time trying to be the perfect daughter to them, the one who doesn’t defy them, the one that makes them proud…always craving that acceptance, but lately (I’m using this term loosely, because it has been slowly happening for the past two years, growing steadier and stronger with each day and each decision I make) I’ve been more determined about forging my own path, my own way. This has been extremely difficult because I still live with them, in some ways I still depend on them * especially in the financial aspect- to some extent*. I’m feeling more and more determined to become independent this year.
I just noticed that this post went completely different from what I initially wanted to write about, but that’s great. I’ve been trying to use this blog as a way to find my inner voice again, and it’s working. I knew this was kind of bothering me, but I didn’t know to what extent.
Thank you for reading my messy rants,