Sorry.

‘You can’t love someone back to life’

But oh, the times you tried.

I am sorry. I am sorry I am only now apologising, but I didn’t realise until not long ago and it was already pointless to disturb either of our lives with something that has been over for a long time now. I am sorry because I convinced myself that if only I devoted, you, us, more energy then I could make myself happy again…now I know this was the biggest mistake, I only needed to devote more energy to myself.

I’m sorry I was so demanding, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know- I was so lost and hurt and none of it was your fault and even though I knew that, I’m not sure I always made you see it clearly. Thank you for being a support for long, for not wanting to give up on me, for seeing what I couldn’t see for myself- that I was worthy, beautiful, smart, that I mattered.

I’m sorry you met me at a time when I wasn’t my best version, but I’m grateful you were there and I’m grateful it all went down the way it did, because it forced me to wake up and do something about all that wasn’t right.

Today, I am a new me. I tap into the resilience that has always kept me going and even though every day has its own little struggles, I never want to give up and I find happiness in the little things. I celebrate more. I laugh more. I take care of myself and I love fully, because I love myself first. You would like this me.

I hope you are happy and that you have forgiven me. I have forgiven you.

-M

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