Yesterday afternoon, I went on a walk alone- for the very first time in very long (I guess I was afraid of being alone with my thoughts), and I realised that I was actually enjoying it a lot, I took some pictures of the sunset, I started singing songs I didn’t even remember, I imagined some possible future scenarios and it was fine- I had a fun date with myself. I realised, I might as well start enjoying my life cause it’s the only one I have. I might not be where I imagined I’d be right now, but I guess I am where I need to be for whatever reason. It’s not easy to just accept that, but what other choice do I have? I don’t want to become bitter and uncapable of being happy.
So, as soon as I opened my eyes this morning, I thought ‘start listing the things that make you grateful today’, and so a list of beautiful short sentences began flooding my mind, making it seem like a space filled with light, just like the amber glow of the morning sun being filtered through my yellowish curtains. I felt somewhat happy, despite the time and despite how tired I was from working all night.
Something that made me feel slightly proud of myself, was the ability of being grateful for things that were part of my daily life, things that we usually overlook because we are so used to them. I love bringing to consciousness the fact that I love my job, the faces I see everyday (even though sometimes they annoy me), I love the smell of freshly brewed Dominican coffee, I love that I have a tight group of amazing friends/sisters who say good morning as soon as they wake up (even if they woke up with their spouses or boyfriends, or are on their way to work), I love the fact that I might be getting a promotion soon, I love the fact that my family supports my decisions and even offers to chip in, I love that I’m able to say I can love with all my heart and not let it debilitate me, but only let it make me stronger. I love waking up.
I might be kinda blue lately, but I refuse to give up on being positive- I simply can’t afford it, not if I want to get my happy ending-whatever that is.
-M.
MJ Tells it All 